Samir & Cesc Might Prove Two Into One Won’t Go & More Gossip
That was the sound of the straw that broke the camel’s back. The situation surrounding Arsenal has plummeted to ludicrous depths. Summer speculation about incomings and outgoings ploughed downwards through the bottom of the barrel into the bowels of the earth.
Cesc and Samir Nasri may or may not have been ordered to pull a sickie on Member’s Day this week. No, wait, they have been ordered to turn up so that they can be in one of the sixteen official photos of the squad. For the second, the squad will shuffle around, Cesc and Samir will exit the group for the touchline.
Having messed about and been a general distraction for everyone, the pair will then take it in turns to rejoin the group so that photos are available which cover every scenario and outcome. The usual hour long shenanigans will be extended whilst they await the arrival of Pep Guardiola, Jose Mourinho and Sir Alex Ferguson to take Arsène’s place in the photoshoots, with the Cesc and Samir show for each one also being incorporated.
I am guessing that no-one in the press corps has heard of Photoshop which rather negates the need to take so many snaps? Still never let a practicality get in the way of gossip and ill-founded speculation.
Keiran Gibbs will however complicate matters by needing an end of row seat to accommodate his crutches. The Box Office cannot handle such rudimentary requests so Gibbs is going to have to make do with whatever allocation he is given. That will be a shock for Arsène and the club who were unaware that the full back was injured, Gibbs having pulled the wool over everyone’s eyes last weekend by playing.
No, wait, this piece is warning us that he might miss games through injury which I find disturbing. I mean, whoever heard of an Arsenal player being injured? Almost as unusual as an Arsenal player recovering quickly from injury. Another example of Jack Wilshere being led astray. Fit within a fortnight? It’s a rocky road you are travelling young man.
Still some sanity is needed. The Gibbs report, combined with the photoshoot, show the depths to which sports reporting in this country has plummeted. If Cesc or Nasri does not turn up, the absentee(s) departure(s) will be a certainty. Until such times have we trodden so far down the path of despair and ill-will that a potential absence is deemed a credible option? If that genuinely is the case, why bother at all?
Onto the serious stuff though, transfer speculation. Surely with the rubbish spouted about existing staff, a bit of credibility-restoring thought has gone into this morning’s efforts. Sadly, no. Whatever has been ailing the reporters assigned to Arsenal, is part of a general malaise sweeping the sports desks.
Take Phil Jagielka. Arsenal have been trying to but Big Phil is being all coy. The fluttering lashes of bigger wages and Champions League football hold no sway with ‘Jags’, who prefers the sallow complexion of David Moyes to all of that luxury and recognition. Whilst I am prepared to concede that some might decide to stay put, placing personal happiness above the chance for silverware, Jagielka would be a rare breed.
But could it be that Arsenal have paved the way for no more bids, a change of reason for failure? No more ‘not enough money‘ or ‘the fee did not represent good value‘, no, this one is going to fail because ‘the player did not have enough ambition to play for Arsenal‘. All the while, Jags will be sitting there wondering where the Hell this bad press came from.
Still no worries, Scott Dann has been identified as the defender we want, rather than Gary Cahill or Christopher Samba. Which is nice. Well, obviously not for those two because rejection can be hard to take but you know what I mean.
And Joey Barton won’t do the decent thing and bugger off to West Ham. Yet.