Stone Cold Friday: They Say Faith Can Move Any Mountain
I raid my record collection and nab a post title from The Buzzcocks. Darius raids his and comes up with a Tears for Fears lyric. Tears for bleedin’ Fears? Yea Gods. I know whose CDs I’d like to listen to and they ain’t his…although any article that references Steve Marriott can’t be all bad.
The Association of British Specialist Insurers has suggested that in the last few weeks members have inundated them, seeking advice on how to approach the development of a new product.
A select group of clients are clamouring to buy what has been described as ’Humble Pie’ insurance, seeking to find solutions that will save face, stop them from eating their words, and shield them from having industrial portions of humble pie shoved down their throats come the end of the football calendar this year.
Victoria Concordia-Crescit, ABI Business Development manager, observed that the enquiries from clients seemed to be from the sports media outlets, particularly BBC Sports, Talk Sport radio, Sky Sports, ESPN, tabloid newspapers and ex-footballers who sit uncomfortably on various lurid sofas.
The demand for this specialist insurance has been prompted by the unexpected and continuous resurrection of Arsenal football club in this year’s Premier and Champions League campaigns.
One Sports presenter from the BBC described this phenomenon as a ‘Lazarian’, pundits and hacks throughout the land remaining baffled that Arsenal are still in with a chance of silverware this season, despite being buried several times at publicly attended funerals.
Concordia-Crescit confirmed that despite biblical references, the Association’s specialist actuaries had categorically ruled out the principle of ’Force Majeure’:
From what we know, the actions and inspirational comebacks that Arsenal has made this season don’t qualify under our Force Majeure principle as an act of God. We have closely looked at the history and origin of this so called resurrection phenomenon, and we can attribute 5 key factors to this;
- Excellent management and husbandry of the club by the board and their manager for more than a decade
- The courage and tenacity of Arsenal’s manager to lay down a vision and follow it through despite the short sighted adversity of ’Johnny come lately’ customers
- Collective contempt and disdain shown to Arsenal by the establishment clouding the reality of the progress that Arsenal has made in the last 5 years
- The incompetence and inability of pundits, hacks and generally the establishment to understand the vision Arsenal is following and give it credit where it is due
- The growing belief in the Arsenal side that they are destined for greatness, and that the mental fortitude they have shown in coming back time and time again is a manifestation of this belief
Crescit added that they are working with their specialist underwriting team to design an appropriate product which provides adequate cover for the inevitability of Arsenal’s dominance in the decades to come.
Asked to shed light on what were some of the issues that clients were seeking to address with this new insurance product, the business development manager suggested that the root causes of the problem were:
- The intellectual masturbation and diatribe spewing about Arsenal that had gone unchecked for the best part of 5 years
- The contempt shown for Arsenal’s decision to dare to do things in a different way to what the establishment comprehends
- The implicit and explicit belittling of Arsenal laced with xenophobic euphemisms and stereotypes.
She observed that there was likely to be a high claim ratio once they’d implemented this new insurance. This was not particularly worrying as they would normally counter with higher premiums in subsequent years.
Companies which employ these pundits and hacks will be calling on this insurance purely based on an assessment of risk factors. Based on their study of Arsenal’s vision, financial performance, as well as its growth and development on the field, it’s clear to see that the club has the best foundations to go on and straddle the European footballing landscape for decades to come with their dominance built on organic growth.
If you look around right now, the footballing world is littered with basket cases on one hand, and recklessness on the other hand with breath-taking financial instability. Concordia-Crescit cited the case of Real Madrid who had sold the family silverware to hedge their bets at domestic and European glory, yet they spectacularly fell short all the same.
Asked to comment on why she thinks Arsenal have survived this onslaught and has caused panic and mayhem in the ranks of punditry, she simply smiled and attributed it to one thing; Faith.
Faith that the board and manager could lay down a vision and follow it through despite the inevitable criticism;
Faith in the team that has grown together and matured over the last 5 years despite the heartaches and joy that they have shared.
Faith by the true fans that have kept patience and travelled this journey with the team, sharing in their triumphs and celebrating with the team; commiserating with the teams defeats and expressing their frustration and emotion.
Faith that it is possible to win and to win playing the beautiful game.
Faith that when the team eventually win their first title together (and they wouldn’t be selling Humble Pie insurance if this wasn’t a certainty), the victory will have been made sweeter by the joy and pain that the team and supporters have suffered through this journey – and the hard work of the team and their courage shown through adversity.
Faith can move mountains, and it’s inevitable that it will win Arsenal titles on the way to shifting those mountains.
Oh, and can someone give me Faith’s phone number whilst they are it. I’ve a huge pile of rubble in my garage that I need to get shot of. Perhaps she could do that the next time she’s moving a mountain in the Thames Valley? ‘til Tomorrow.
Posted on March 12, 2010, in Arsenal, Champions League, Football, Premier League, Premiership, Soccer and tagged Arsenal, Football, Media, Pundits, Soccer, Stone Cold Arsenal. Bookmark the permalink. 129 Comments.