Well, it would not be Arsenal if there were not transfer speculation flying around would it. Those Mr20%s certainly earn their corn. OK, so the let’s have a quick look at the latest incoming centre back shall we.

[Adopts Magnus Magnusson tone and cue recording of 'Mastermind' introduction]

Name? Thomas Schaaf

[Cues Isaac Hayes 'Shaft']

Nein. I said, SCHAAF

Occupation? Head Coach of Werder Bremen
Specialist Subject? Securing the transfer of Naldo to Arsenal.

[sound of record scratching].

So let us get this right. The head coach of Werder Bremen, perennial qualifiers for the Champions League, is touting his centre back to go to Arsenal. Now there is something immediately odd about that situation since coaches normally want to keep their best players. So the following needs to be answered: (a) Is Naldo any good? (b) Has he fallen out with his coach? (c) Why haven’t you signed him yet, Arsene? I leave it to the YouTube generation to come up with a suitable trailer to prove he is the best thing since sliced bread and that he is the big, clogging centre back that Arsenal apparently need.

Unfortunately, Naldo would probably not be slotting straight into the team. According to L’Equipe, Jose Mourinho took one looa k at Ashley Cole and realised that he was still deeply enamoured with William Gallas. So much so that he has turned his back on the affair, hoping to rekindle the luuuurve between himself and Billy. Except no-one seems to have told William this since he is adamant that he is remaining at Arsenal, for next season at least.

And I have no problem with that at all. Gallas is the best centre back at the club. His partnership with Toure was excellent before the last African Cup of Nations, disintegrating upon the Ivorian’s return from that trip and subsequent injuries. The signs were that Toure was regaining that form during the unbeaten run last season and it will be one of the key factors of the coming campaign.

The assumption is that Toure is the one who will make way for Vermalean yet with Gallas in the last year of his contract, this cannot be taken as a certainty. Wenger has previous with players who are reasonably demure about their futures, Gilberto Silva the last to find himself reduced to a bit part when younger players come in and take their chance, as Flamini did. And no, that is not a cue for everyone to start repeating the tired and tedious mantra of re-signing the Frenchman: Get over it, it is not happening. Move on. Think of it like the end of a relationship; you split, you hurt, you get on with the next Miss Right or Miss Right Now (or replace Miss with Mr, depending on your own circumstances).

Elsewhere, Aaron Ramsey has a new deal, Birmingham City are hopeful of teaching Armand Traore the finer points of performing major surgery on an opponent without the use of an operating theatre or anaesthetic. It would not be the summer if Emmanuel Adebayor was linked with AC Milan. His Mr20% has been bleating to the media that Arsene will not tell him what his plans for Adebayor are. Two things that Courbis should understand: firstly, whinging like an overpaid, spoilt brat is not going to garner any new information from the manager. Ask a direct question and demand a direct answer. The second is that Wenger does indeed have plans for your client. It’s called pre-season training. Make sure Emmanuel knows when and where he is expected to turn up.

The last snippet is from the Spanish media who apparently have accepted Cesc’s recent declaration of intent to stay at Arsenal. When they are not regurgitating rumours started by Daily Star hacks, they are lining up next summer’s stories about Fabregas. Apparently he has an agreement with Sandro Rosell that when the Barcelona elections come around, Rosell can use Cesc’s signature as his star signing. So, you’ve been warned that with the World Cup meaning a plethora of old tosh, this little nugget will be kicking around from March time.

’til Tomorrow.