I get a queasy feeling in me whenever I read of anything that Peter Hill-Wood has said to the media, before I’ve even seen the words. And no, it’s nothing to do with last night’s intake of Magner’s and dodgy curry, he is not an orator who inspires confidence, more inspiring a feeling that he has opened his mouth just to change his feet.

Firstly it seems that Ice Skunk are not too keen on meeting with him which is hardly surprising given the charm offensive he launched when Kroenke bought ITV’s shareholding,

I gave him some dates and he couldn’t make them…The ball’s in his court. I am very relaxed and will meet him whenever it is convenient

It might just be a long wait for PHW & Co. Kroenke might just get the feeling that whatever is said will be blurted out to the media within a couple of days of any meeting taking place which means the public pressure is all at his feet to launch a takeover, something that he may not quite yet be ready to do.

The Chairman also said,

We have got funds available, but Arsene is not a buyer of players just for the sake of it. So far Arsene hasn’t come up with any suggestions, which is good news and bad news

It is in itself an unremarkable statement until you get to the last sentence. Now consider this with the statements that were always made when DD was in charge of transfers, i.e. “we don’t talk about our targets in public until the deals are done“. The same outcome as in no-one is any the wiser about who is on AW’s list but without the nervousness that is now creeping into the support’s thoughts. So we need to consider why PHW thinks that this is ‘good news and bad news‘.

Firstly, I guess he thinks it is good news because Le Boss has complete faith in the squad at his disposal and that he is not rushing out to buy. It is also positive because you can interpret it as AW being focussed on the final matches of the season and not becoming distracted by other issues. He could also believe it is positive because there will be more funds available to meet the costs of the business. Finally, it could be that Le Boss is waiting to sort out Reyes and Baptista’s futures with Real Madrid so that he knows exactly how much he has to spend, those conversations supposedly taking place this week.

‘Bad News‘? Well, there are holes in the squad that need to be plugged. Generally speaking, most of us believe that two or three judicious signings would allow the squad to challenge for honours next season. If none are made, Lord Peter probably realises that supporters and the media are more likely to claim that it is the Board’s fault that signings were not made, either through the hole that DD has left or in the hacks case, no money available. Either way, such inactivity is a PR boost for Kroenke, even if he does nothing, with a groundswell of support for his supposed bid building amongst the smaller shareholders?

There is one final interpretation that can be put on the statement. It is ‘good news‘ because it means that the dodderer cannot blurt it out as he seems to when speaking to the Press whilst from his point of view, the ‘bad news‘ is that half way through the sentence, he has realised that no-one is telling him anything, he’s out of the loop on this, no-one trusts him to keep quiet. One thing is certain, his foray into public speaking has achieved nothing but discomfort so perhaps someone could have a word in his shell-like and tell him that sometimes, just sometimes, it is better to say nothing rather than anything. Especially since his pronouncements tend to make you lose a little bit more confidence in what the Board are actually doing.

So Lord Peter, if by some chance reading this, I consider it my duty to keep you up to date with the comings and goings that AW is not telling you about. And most of them are rehashes of old stories: Gilberto is apparently off to Juventus, allowing Abou Diaby to form the central midfield partnership with Fabregas that most of us think will keep the team on solid ground in years to come. Except if the Brazilian does go, it will be sooner than most of us expected. Ryan Babbel has emerged as the most likely target to fill the wide berth or another striking role at the club. That’s going to cost you £6m, Guv’nor, because he apparently has a release clause in his contract that says that is how much he will cost if that nice Arsenal club come knocking. Which is about £10m cheaper than Franck Ribery who has yet to decide if he is leaving Marseilles as all he wants is Champions League football, something that may be achieved with his current club. If he does go though, you’ll be pleased to know that he aims high with his chosen destinations including a spell at either Arsenal, Chelsea, Manchester United, Milan or Real Madrid. See, despite going out in the Second Round, the Club still has a high profile. However, Ribery is no shoo-in as Florent Malouda is coming up on the rails as a lot of peoples choice for a wide role at the Club. If you haven’t had enough of dodgy defending from Emmanuel Eboue this season and want another risky Right Back on show, Pascal Chimbonda has said that he’d love to play for Arsenal. You know him, the one who handed a transfer request in at Wigan before the last game at Highbury, quite possibly on the way out to the pitch if reports are to be believed.

Much about Eboue was explained at the weekend when Kolo Toure told the World, well Soccer AM, that Manu was not the brightest bulb in the box although he has a great sense of humour and dances like no other at the Club. So next time you see him charging down the wing with the ball at his feet, it isn’t his attacking instincts coming to the fore unfortunately. No, its more a case of ‘My God, what is this at my feet? I’d better run like hell away from it. Aaaargh! It’s following me. Help! Help!‘.

‘Til tomorrow.